promisE is a promisE~

Found a poem that was written for me by a close friend...He gave it to me long time ago...and it always cheer me up a little when i feel blue...

During these darkest hours
When i feel all alone and empty
All i do is call out your name
A warmth feeling surrounds my heart
I feel your presence once more

Though you may be distant
And my heart aches from missing you
I conjure you up when i need you the most
The words, the mails, memories of you
The dream of you comes alive
You will always be by my side

Nothing can ever stop me from
Cherish you the way i do
My love word is true
I will always be with you
We shall never be apart
I hold you closest to my heart

Last time i heard from u, u told me you are very happy....happy for ur own future...i pray for u my friend..you've been through a lot and things are coming into pieces...I wish for ur happiness :) Thank you my dear friend... Dee, a great life lies ahead for u...gambathe neh!!

OBS~

Found this when i was throwing stuff away...wanna keep it as a memory..during the outward bound school...something like a 10 days away from civilization and stamina challenging camp...i'm the only girl...haha..here goes:

*****************************************************
Listen to the story of the 6 of us
Story of fun and pain
You'll probably hear this for the next few days
So why not come and join us now

On the 1st day of OBS,
5 guys came first, there was Kush, Judd, Jin, Wei, Wow
And there was a girl
First we were shocked, and she went Oh! God!
So it was our first day

On the 2nd day of OBS,
We learnt to tie knots
Went to the rope course
She challenged us and outshine all of us

On the 3rd day of OBS,
We learned to set our tents
Went for a kayak, got ourselves in mud
And we all learned to use a compass

On the 4th day of OBS,
We kayak to Pangkor
Sea's were choppy
Everybody feeling sick
But finally we reached Telok Seladih

On the 5th day of OBS,
Repelling was so funny
Wow-wow became a Tarzan
He got tangled up
And he fell down like a monkey

On the 6th day of OBS,
Hiking was so scary
Went up in zig-zags, nearly got lost
Carl said "almost there"
But we end up in a wild boar's land

On the 7th day of OBS,
Kush woke up next to a wild boar
He was shocked, it was scared
And they both ran the opposite way

On the 8th day of OBS,
Solo camping kills
Short of wood, fooled by the rain
And came out like a skunk

On the 9th day of OBS,
We are gathered here
Having a BBQ, enjoying ourselves
Telling you our story
And we still have one day more.

las horas pasan, pero el dia es el mismo

..........time passed but the days remain the same

here'S thE thinG~

Cannot lie to myself anymore..i really do miss u even though i try to deny it...sometimes i really do wanna tell ppl and myself that i regret i've met u...cos u turn my world upside down...u make me have feelings like this again...but actually..i guess...i am in some ways glad that i've met u...u are a wonderful person...in ur own way...which i seems to like so much...the sad thing for me is...i am not the one person that u give the key to your heart to....
i really do still miss you...time will pass and i hope time will heal...now i guess i should pull myself from being in denial into feeling the feelings i have...let myself feel for something....and i guess i'll be better in time...be a better person...physically and mentally...improving....
i can't listen to the song 'last request'...reminds me of u....n i didn't get my last request...as usual.. :P
thinking...thoughts...realizing......priority...
you are right...i must love myself more....
take care~

alwayS iN mY hearT~

Time flies and is the end of the semester...this semester has been a bittersweet ones....get closer to different friends that you might not even thought u gonna be close frens..know new frens who have made you laugh...don feel like studying the whole semester...was putting my concentration on things that now to me...which seems like i have never had it cos i have never own it..
In life...we meet people from all walks of life...we gather...and we have to separate...cos everyone is going different path...but it is life...there something i like to tell myself all the time "life is full of ups and downs...it's better you go through with it with a smile...or u can choose to drag it through" well sometimes it is hard to smile...but i need to learn..cos life have given me so much...a wonderful family....great frens that i have met in my life...
Frens who make such big impacts in my life....i thank you all....
it is not easy sometimes to be separated from the people you are close to...but my dears...i am happy for you...siempre en mi corazon...i think i start to like this...no matter which corner of the world u are in...i know..u are always there...so am i....
It is a privilege to have u in my life...

foR whaT???

Sometimes it's really pointless to say something to someone...you care n you wan the best for that person...but apparently it does not make any difference in the person's life....someone told me...i cannot judge the person as a fren all i can do is listen...and try to be there...well i have done it...and i hope the person would listen to some of my advice or at least...i'm just hoping the best for the person i care..but i guess people just could n't be bothered...they just wanna do it their own way....
fine!!!!i won't say a word now....
you can help yourself...cos what ever i do what ever i say...will not matter to you anyways...
cos i guess i am not important.......

'who knows what tomorrow brings..all i know is the way i feel..when it's real i keep it alive~'

smilE~

realize that no matter how you feel...how down u are...the world will keep spinning~ no one would ever stop what they are really doing and wait for u.....
this is how the world works....yeah of course ppl who love you will still care about u...but u cannot be selfish to have them to stop if you love them too right??
hmm.....the only way is smile~

teacH mE~

Wanna learn to open my heart...to able to show someone i care who i really am..and not hide myself or avoid getting myself hurt by being a bitch or mean all the time...i know i can never make someone love me..but at least...
i should be brave to be myself and show how i really feel isn't it?? i dunno...i wish someone can teach me all this sometimes but i guess it is the way of life...to figure and experience things...
i'm shouting out to the world 'pls show me how to open my heart' to be able to feel.....
my heart maybe broken..i mean everyone have that kinda experience...but i need to have courage right??....
i really wonder sometimes..............
am i ready to give my heart to someone???
i wanna be brave.............

separatioN~

Two more days i'll leave london i go back home..feel happy bout it but at the same time feel down cos i'm leaving london....gonna miss the frens i made here....
Thank you so much for everything...
love~

i turN to yoU~

by Christina Aguilera

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter
through all the rain,
For truth that will never change,
For someone to lean on,
For a heart I can rely on through anything,
For that one who I can run to...

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
I turn to you...

gratitutE~

Really thankful for the advice you have given me...make me understand even more...cannot really express how i felt..you have only know me for such a short time but the advice you have given to me will make a big impact for me..i know this might not be important to you however i know what you said to me today it's gonna change my life..my attitude...
Nothing more i can say..just thank you so much....
Really from the bottom of my heart...Thank so much for the time and energy...
Thank you so much...
:)
even though i feel sad about myself right now..but i will only allow it for tonight...
tomorrow is another new day...
time and attitude............REMEMBER!!!!!always~

londoN~

Two weeks and three days more...i'll be home hehhehee...
But i think i'm gonna miss this city..never really like it the first time i came..it was quite a shock at first..cos i'm a kampung girl..hehehe
A city full of ppl from all around the world..different languages, colour and background..learn a lot and saw a lotsa different things and ppl...
i'm grateful that i was given this chance..to experience one of the greatest city in the world...Thanks to the care of family and friends..
so.....Next Stop?????

mesS~

Have not live up to the life i wan to..been doing a lotsa thinking lately...it's so weird how can a person who thought that she's on the right track of life..suddenly think so much and get so confuse about life...
what is my purpose in life??why am i here now???where should i go??what should i do as a human being???
the question go on and on and the answer cannot be found yet...
LIFE~what a mystery...
i guess i just need to pick myself up!!!be positive...and search..even it might take me a long time to search for my purpose...i will find it one day...
i want to believe it...i need to believe in myself and am grateful for ppl who had help me and for ppl who didn't help me....
:)
crazy ming...hahahhahaha

Was so drunk last night...can't believe i still type in my blog haha..first thing i wake up tis morning is to check whether i vomit in the toilet or not..i don wanna get another red card from my housemate..ever again...
It was fun last night adri thank you so much!!but half of it i can't really remember what we were talking about hahha...and i can't really remember how we get home????
it's so hard to find someone who would enjoy all those music with me..
anyway nothing really special happening in my life..that's why i'm bullshitting all the time now in my blog..haha
wana go to bali!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dreaming*

givE uP~

ok i plan to give up now..since i don have the guts to ask him his phone number...so i'l just gonna forget bout it..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

thinkinG of yoU~

Keep thinking bout you the whole time..it's been quite sometime since i felt like this..weird~haha maybe i won't be so lazy anymore..honestly really wanna take some effort to talk to you..let you know me..see if you'll be interest in me :) this is so weird for me...how come i keep thinking??haha or perhaps imagining things hahah..it's not like u are good looking or whatever..hmm..sometimes i just wish i could just talk to u but so scary..i'm so afraid..today after u talk to me..haha i was smiling to myself the whole time..silly right?
A fren told me that i should be brave and show my feelings to ppl i care about but i dunno what is wrong with me..i can talk to anyone but just not u..even u are near sometimes i just pretend i didn't see u..haha..ah crazy..
i should forget bout this..too much..if not some fren might think i'm desperate..ah..
don think don think don think...*wink*
target???

betteR~

After releasing my anger with my last two post yesterday...i feel so much better today..less dizziness but still feel dizzy hahah....
so excited bout the watching carmen this saturday and can't wait to go out and party..haven't been partying hard for such a long long time...cos always afraid of this and that..well..don care anymore...
there's a saying..when the boat reach the river bank..the boat will turn straight..haha it's a chinese saying and i can't really explain so if u can't get it..just forget it..or leave a comment!!!hahaha
thanks camille for ur sms..really appreciate it my fren and miss ya a lot..but pls do not forget to settle the place we are staying for the coming semester ok????
had a nice dinner with a fren today..four dished for two of us...great!!!!it's been so long since i had proper dinner..i know you might not believe it because the size of my body..well it is true :P
suppose to have offday tomorrow..but..i gotta work..well whatever...work is work..it's for my working experience i guess....huh!!!
whatever......i should get a target....hahah
nites~

can'T thinK oF a titlE~

oh i really don wanna give a fuck anymore...for several months i've ignore my own blog..and now i'm writing two post in a row...pls...i really need to stop suppressing myself...why oh why...sorry for the ppl who read all this bullshit...but now i'm sick and i can't really think but yet my brain is having so much things that i cannot express out verbally..so this is where i pour it all out!!!!
if now you are thinking "cut it out, ming" well i don give a fuck!!!!!
i've been suppressing my idea, my feelings, my emotions, harsh words, my words and myself for so long(verbally)...i can't do this anymore..what is wrong with me??
oh gosh...tis is crazy..i'm getting crazy...the world is crazy..
with all this crazy things happening around you...and i dunno why i care so much bout what ppl thinks about me..or what they gonna tell the "boss" about me...or what did i do wrong that she hate me so much..well i don give a damn anymore..
i'm sorry if i'm noisy or lazy or dirty or if i didn't do my work properly or having an attitude problem called moody...
well that is what you think and you know nothing...zero thing about me...for i don even know myself sometime..so why you bitching bout all this stupid things...
from now on...and i know this is gonna sound selfish...but i'm not gonna be young anymore well actually i am not young anymore!!!! i don wanna give a damn about the people who is just gonna pass by my life anymore!!!!!!
me!!!!i don give a fuck about any of you!!!!!
cos i know you don care as well..with all your fakeness...ah...fuck fuck fuck!!€!!!!!!
right now i really wish i can shout so loud that even ppl in malaysia can hear it!!!!!cos i'm typing so hard on the key pad....
ah!!!!crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chopsticK~

why am i so retarded??why can i always not find the better to describe my own feelings?haiz...since i've been in london i had so many things and so many ideas on my mind that i dunno how to express out..so it end up i keep on thinking and thinking when i'm alone at home...when i try to argue about something with someone..i get stuck..i mean my brain and i don have enough vocabulary to argue what i wanna argue...so end up i say nothing..and when i go home..sentences and sentences keep flowing out in my brain but i loss the chance to express it...
i dunno..what define a person????how can u show ur idea or ur personality through??would anyone even care..especially ur "boss"..they told you that they wanna hear your thoughts and what you think bout things in the workplace...but i don think so...it'll end up you getting into trouble or something..haiz..this is crazy what am i doing???
i'm suppose to be doing something i would love doing!!!!!what the hell is wrong??
why can't i speak out my mind???i can't stand it anymore... gosh!!!
BTW there is no right or wrong way of holding a chopstick...but there is a correct and incorrect way of holding it...it's a chinese thing ok????
ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

herE i aM~

Haven't post for so long..feel so weird coming back here...one of the reason i stop posting is because i thought no one gonna care what i say in my blog and plus i don even know that i am really saying what i am really feeling..weird huh?? i am kinda weird though...
am in london now..missing home so much...so much until i can't even cry it out..keep doing thing to make myself busy..but nothing is beneficial...feel like i am not living life to the fullest...foolish ming..why oh why???
family have gone for holiday for chinese new year and i am stuck here feeling miserable..i know it is my prob..i should be positive and always look happy for others..so that they don't think that i am angry or moody..but i just cant help it..i'm sorry but it is what i felt..i don feel like talking..i wanna do my job and get it done..i know i am emotional..but pls give me sometime...i wanna be like by you but my emotion..i can't help it...
maybe i should just really hide everything i feel..and just wear a MASK all the time..so that this would make everybody happy and feel better...
i dunno..this is so confusing...until i dunno what to say...maybe i just shouldn't speak out...
:( i dunno..really dunno.....
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~